In Loving Memory of Bacon
I figure that sooner or later the topic of Bacon will come up. And right now i am in no mood to explain myself anymore, nor do i have the strength and tears to repeat the story again.
Bacon fell off the window ledge and died on Wednesday morning. My maid found him, and my dad disposed of his body. No, i don't know why he fell. Yes, my dad threw his body away in the bin. I don't blame him. I don't feel very much anymore. No, i wasn't home. I'd been staying at my grandma's since Monday. No, i didn't say bye or so much as pet him before i left, cos i thought that if i didn't, he wouldn't miss me so much.
I know i've said all those times, "I'll throw you away!", but i'd never thought these seemingly harmless words would actually come to pass.
Barely 8 months old. Still a kitten. Naughty and angsty. But so loved by the family.
I feel empty. And i don't feel anything for anyone else.
I don't even miss my boyfriend.
I know there are some of you who think i'm being dramatic or stupid... To you i say :" FUCK OFF."
I miss my baby. I wanna hug him. I wanna scratch his tummy. I want him to bite me. I wanna irritate him. I wanna stuff him into my bags. I wanna scare him with the big exercise ball. I wanna threaten to cut his balls off. I wanna put him on my tummy and watch tv. I wanna cuddle him when he's sleeping. I wanna take many photos of him. I want to bring him along to my new house when i get married. I want him to terrorise my kids.
I want Bacon back. And i know that's not gonna happen.
Was he scared when he fell? Did he die on impact? What was he doing when he slipped off the ledge? Was he missing me? Was he lying on the ground, taking his last painful breaths and wondering where we all were, feeling alone and scared? Did he think i had abandoned him? Do all animals go to heaven? Is he missing me?
I've never in my life felt so awful. And i know that if i go with my feelings, i'm gonna have a breakdown.
Do you guys know what it's like to lose a kid? I'm sure most of you don't. Bacon was my baby. I nursed him back to health since he was 2.5 weeks old. The pain... Words cannot express.
Bacon boy, I hope you are in a better place. With lotsa birds for you to catch. And catnip, and wet food. And people for you to bite and terrorise. Where rubber bands are abundant, and you have lotsa lion soft toys to bite.
"If you get there before i do, don't give up on me.
I'll join you when my chores are through, i don't know how long i'll be.
But i'm not gonna let you down, Darling wait and see.
'Cos between now and then, till i see you again...
I'll be loving you. Love, me."
So basically, the whole point of this blog post if to ensure no one brings Bacon up and no one asks me what happened. 'Cos in all honesty, i don't wanna talk about it. So your cooperation, understanding, whatever... Will be much appreciated.
Cheers.
This post is specially for my 'lil sis.
When you told me about the whole situation with that 17-year old, i was already frustrated. And i'm sure you know why. Because if there's one thing i
cannot tolerate... It's
stupidity.
And i don't know the specifics of the whole situation, but if there's one thing about it that's screaming out at me. It's just that. The whole stupidity and pointlessness of the situation.
So you break his heart. BIG FUCKING DEAL. You know why?
(1) You made no promises. So he thought you did. Key word here. THOUGHT. Just because he THOUGHT you made a promise (no doubt through his stupendous incapability to grasp the english language), doesn't mean you have to see this "promise" through.
(2) He's 17. And you're 15. He is old enough to know this is not TRUE love and to get over it. And you're too young to be involved in any of this in the first place, so i have no sympathy. (Sorry, i've always been this blunt:D)
(3) So your friends think you're a bitch and are talking about you behind your back. *rolls eyes* My god, take it from this ancient 21 yeear-old. These friends are not the ones who are gonna be there for you 20 years down the road. In time, you'll look back at them and realise how gossipy and unworthy they are to be your friends. Don't trust me? Ask ANYONE else who's older than you are.
The only reason they're gossiping about you and calling you a bitch is because you are the only one among them who even has a semblance of SPICE in her life. *rolls eyes even more* So do understand and
take pity when they have to resort to gossiping about your life because that is what they're lacking. A life of their own.
So i hope this is the last i ever hear you mourn about this stupid situation. It is STUPID. And POINTLESS. And an utter WASTE OF TIME.
Stop trying to think of how you're hurting him and everything. There's no way you can "make it better", or "make it easier". If he's a wuss like Ryan, he'll always be a wuss. And no matter how hard you try to "ease his pain", he'll always want/need more. And since you so bravely stepped into the situation and ended it, then live the consequences with a little style. You did it, live with it. What for regret it? Like regret is gonna get you anywhere. Self pity and pity for him isn't gonna help the situation. You know what will? MOVING ON.
And because i am oh-so-intelligent, i know that the situation is gonna be one of those big jokes that everyone has in their lifetime. Just like my ex was a joke, this is gonna be YOUR joke.
And the beauty of it is?
I'm your sister. So i get to taunt you about this for life.
Cheers sis.
