I figure that sooner or later the topic of Bacon will come up. And right now i am in no mood to explain myself anymore, nor do i have the strength and tears to repeat the story again.

Bacon fell off the window ledge and died on Wednesday morning. My maid found him, and my dad disposed of his body. No, i don't know why he fell. Yes, my dad threw his body away in the bin. I don't blame him. I don't feel very much anymore. No, i wasn't home. I'd been staying at my grandma's since Monday. No, i didn't say bye or so much as pet him before i left, cos i thought that if i didn't, he wouldn't miss me so much.

I know i've said all those times, "I'll throw you away!", but i'd never thought these seemingly harmless words would actually come to pass.

Barely 8 months old. Still a kitten. Naughty and angsty. But so loved by the family.

I feel empty. And i don't feel anything for anyone else.

I don't even miss my boyfriend.

I know there are some of you who think i'm being dramatic or stupid... To you i say :" FUCK OFF."

I miss my baby. I wanna hug him. I wanna scratch his tummy. I want him to bite me. I wanna irritate him. I wanna stuff him into my bags. I wanna scare him with the big exercise ball. I wanna threaten to cut his balls off. I wanna put him on my tummy and watch tv. I wanna cuddle him when he's sleeping. I wanna take many photos of him. I want to bring him along to my new house when i get married. I want him to terrorise my kids.

I want Bacon back. And i know that's not gonna happen.

Was he scared when he fell? Did he die on impact? What was he doing when he slipped off the ledge? Was he missing me? Was he lying on the ground, taking his last painful breaths and wondering where we all were, feeling alone and scared? Did he think i had abandoned him? Do all animals go to heaven? Is he missing me?

I've never in my life felt so awful. And i know that if i go with my feelings, i'm gonna have a breakdown.

Do you guys know what it's like to lose a kid? I'm sure most of you don't. Bacon was my baby. I nursed him back to health since he was 2.5 weeks old. The pain... Words cannot express.

Bacon boy, I hope you are in a better place. With lotsa birds for you to catch. And catnip, and wet food. And people for you to bite and terrorise. Where rubber bands are abundant, and you have lotsa lion soft toys to bite.

So basically, the whole point of this blog post if to ensure no one brings Bacon up and no one asks me what happened. 'Cos in all honesty, i don't wanna talk about it. So your cooperation, understanding, whatever... Will be much appreciated.

Cheers.

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