My excuses for not exercising:

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

I keep losing weight, but it keeps finding me.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

My secret prayer because i don't exercise:

Lord, if i can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.

Mood forecast:

I am bitchy on days ending with y.

Advice to men:

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

Warning to would-be antagonisers:

I know kung fu, judo, karate and 47 other dangerous words!

To people who insist on antagonising me:

You are living proof that manure can grow legs and walk.

{-+-}