Oh and one more thing.
I really am happy that i have my family. When you're younger you tend to think your parents are stick-in-the-muds who are just bent on screwing up your life, but as you get older you begin to understand and empathise with their dispostions better. Maybe it could be that they tell you more with age, or simply that you mature and are able to empathise. And it's always comforting to know that no matter what happens, no matter how you piss them off or how much you argue, they'll always love you and forgive you and be there for you.
I've always thought that when a man and a woman get married, they are not primarily bound by the sanctity of marriage. But by the sanctity of being FAMILY. I mean, when you piss your parents off, or when you get fat and ugly and stinky, your parents aren't going to dump you and adopt another child are they? Why can't husbands be like that? When you get married, you're no longer just a couple. You're a family. Families stick with each other through thick and thin (pun intended), weal and woe. I want my family to be a happy, blessed one.
There are enough dysfunctional families in this world. I don't want or need to contribute another.
Just a few thoughts that occurred to me today while i was surfing friendster and checking emails.
It seems like so many of the people i know have got the opportunity to experience life overseas. Go for nice holidays in faraway places like Paris and USA and visit pretty beaches. And the only place i can afford to go is.. Malaysia -_-"
Couples go for dates in RESTAURANTS.. Like Equinox and the like. Makes me wonder what i'm missing out on or what i'm doing wrong. Am i an oddity? I mean, not that i hanker after these kinda things lah, i mean restaurants aren't really my thing, but maybe it just reflects on how little i think of everything, hence resulting in the mediocre-ty of my life in general?
I hate the thought that i'm living an uneventful life.
And i miss my boyfriend. I don't like having a boyfriend that's MIA. Specially when my stomach's at war against me. I want to have my boyfriend around, so that on top of stressing over the end-of-semester syndrome (deadlines zooming close etc), i don't have to miss him.
I feel so crappy.
What if my whole life is doomed to be mediocre? I know i've said a million times i want to be a rich tai tai, but in all honesty, i wouldn't be able to live with myself if i had to survive solely on my husband's money.
Just the thought of drawing a measly $2.5K salary, this being just enough to cover household expenses and provide for my parents, makes my heart heavy.
Maybe i'm thinking too much. Maybe it's just that i'm emo when i'm physically unwell. I don't know. I'm not thinking. I'm just feeling.
And then i look through friendster and i wonder what happened to my sec sch friends. I mean we've all changed, and i'm happy that we're still celebrating important occasions together... But where has the close-ness we used to have gone? As much as i love you guys, with the exception of those in NUS, i swear i have no idea what is going on in your lives. Just as i'm sure most of you don't have a clear idea of what's going on in mine. Scary how things change, even when you don't want them to. I guess i also contributed to this drift, by not being more proactive and not turning up for meetings.
Sigh. Why's life such a bitch? If God was omniscient, then He would've seen that Adam and Eve was going to sin. Then he should have seen that to most people, most of the times, life's gonna be a bitch. Then he shouldn't have created the world in the first place.
Alright. I think i shall stop now. Losing track of my thoughts as the churning in my stomach increases in intensity. *draws a sword out from thin air and plunges it into her abdomen, performing the harakiri*
